Do you think people can change?

rina24

rina24

Forelsket i forumet
im just wondering ..can people change?
 
folk utvikler seg hele tiden når dei kommer imøte med nye sitvasjoner...

feks: eg er langt ifra den er var før eg fikk gutten min.

Alle kan vel forandre seg til d bedre, bare dei ønsker d selv
 
well..situation is like this,that my ex was violent before(when he was drunk)and that was before pregnancy and when i was pregnant.
so now he wants us to be together again.and he says he has changed.and now he is not drinking.
so..dont know if i should believe him.
i want to..but im also afraid for our daughter,that suddenly one day i will have to run away with her in the middle of the night...
 
Kanskje noen. Men jeg har dårlig erfaring med det. Så kaskje noen ytterst få personer[:)]
 
skaff deg balltre og pepperspray... just in case..

Bare du vet hva som er rett men mannfolk som slår er ikkje noe å samle på..
Lett for meg å si eg vet men eg personlig synes mannfolk som slår kvinner er noe av d laveste som finnes
 
ORIGINAL: ~~KASI~~

folk utvikler seg hele tiden når dei kommer imøte med nye sitvasjoner...

feks: eg er langt ifra den er var før eg fikk gutten min.

Alle kan vel forandre seg til d bedre, bare dei ønsker d selv
 
ORIGINAL: rina24

well..situation is like this,that my ex was violent before(when he was drunk)and that was before pregnancy and when i was pregnant.
so now he wants us to be together again.and he says he has changed.and now he is not drinking.
so..dont know if i should believe him.
i want to..but im also afraid for our daughter,that suddenly one day i will have to run away with her in the middle of the night...

 
 
I understand that ur scared...does he still drink? was he an alcoholic or did he just drink casually? I have experience with violent people when drunk...will send u a pm...
 
 
 
Det er ikke lett når det er sånt som for ditt tilfelle. Kanskje han virkelig vil, at det går bedre da. Masse lykketil med valget ditt[:)]
 
Does he just say that he has quit drinking and being violent, or do you know it for a fact? Has he been to group sessions or other forms of therapy to learn new ways to react to disagreements? What has he done to try and change his reactions? Why does he think he has changed? Does he admit that he has/had a serious problem, or does he try to rewrite history in his favour? (i.e. it was your fault he got angry because you're so annoying/ugly/fat/lazy et.c.)

You don't have to answer these questions here, the important thing is to think them over, maybe even discuss them with him. Also you should consider going to family counselling together to talk things through. Is it possible for you to safely test him, provoking him to (or past) the point he would usually get violent in the past? That way you may find out if he is being genuinly honest about changing.

If he is serious about wanting to change, and wanting to get back in a relationship with you, he shouldn't have a problem talking to you about these things. He should be willing to do whatever it takes for you to genuinely trust him again, not least paying for therapy if he can't get the help he needs through the public health system.

In the end the only person who can make this decision is you, and for your baby's safety and your own, please be sure that you have done anything you can to make a decision you are comfortable with. And if he does hit you again, or the baby, contact the police  right away to have it documented, and press charges!
 
ORIGINAL: rina24

well..situation is like this,that my ex was violent before(when he was drunk)and that was before pregnancy and when i was pregnant.
so now he wants us to be together again.and he says he has changed.and now he is not drinking.
so..dont know if i should believe him.
i want to..but im also afraid for our daughter,that suddenly one day i will have to run away with her in the middle of the night...



Etter hva jeg har opplevd,så er ikke slike personer til og stole på.
Venninen min var sammen med en fyr som var san og han sa hele tiden at han skulle forandre seg og hun trodde på han,men han forandret seg aldri.
Men spørs jo hvor lenge han har vært alkohol fri også..Vist det var gått 1 år eller mer ville jeg sett an situsjonen tror jeg og funnet litt mer ut om det fra venner av han osv,men vist han nettopp har sluttet ville jeg gitt han mer tid. Tror ikke på at folk kan gi opp og forandre seg slik over natten liksom.
Men tenk deg godt om og ikke stol på han med en gang! Lykke til[:)]
 
ORIGINAL: rina24

well..situation is like this,that my ex was violent before(when he was drunk)and that was before pregnancy and when i was pregnant.
so now he wants us to be together again.and he says he has changed.and now he is not drinking.
so..dont know if i should believe him.
i want to..but im also afraid for our daughter,that suddenly one day i will have to run away with her in the middle of the night...

 
 
nei jeg ville ikkje gått tilbake til han. Greit at han sier at han har forandret seg, men tenk om ikkje da. Hadde iverfall ikkje ville gjort det når man har en unge man skal tenke på også. Gale vis det skal gå utover ett lite uskyldig barn. Og vis dette er noe som skjer når han drikker, tror du virkelig på at han ALDRI kommer til å drikke igjen då?
 
ORIGINAL: ~monicola~

ORIGINAL: rina24

well..situation is like this,that my ex was violent before(when he was drunk)and that was before pregnancy and when i was pregnant.
so now he wants us to be together again.and he says he has changed.and now he is not drinking.
so..dont know if i should believe him.
i want to..but im also afraid for our daughter,that suddenly one day i will have to run away with her in the middle of the night...

Jeg ville nok ikke flyttet sammen med din ex. hvis jeg var deg akkurat nå - men ville vært villig til å søke behandling. Hvis han var interessert i å gå til terapi og løse sine floker - hadde jeg stått ved hans side. Tiden ville ha visst om jeg ville flyttet sammen med han igjen. Men uansett ville jeg ikke snudd ryggen til hvis han var villig til å søke hjelp. [:)]

Håper du finner ut at dette Rina [:)]

Så enig med Monicola! Lykke til rina! [:)]
 
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